Going, Going ... oops, Gone

Have you ever said or done something and just thought, 'Oh. Fuck.'. I've had what might best be termed an oh-fuck week, where I catch myself doing things totally out of character and am totally unable to stop myself. Even worse, sometimes I catch myself feeling something and think, 'God, I'm Terrible'. It feels a little bit like this reversion to my previous lifestyle [although I have left out several of the key elements to date] isn't blending too well with my current lifestyle. The amalgamation of work, university, boyfriend, flirtation, drinking, smoking, sex and rock and rolling ... could it be that I'm starting to crack? I feel like I barely know my own name!

The ten days since I last wrote are somewhat hazy to me. I've been slumming it in Richmond, watching Popstars, The Rivals [Aimee!!] and Blind Date while consuming copius amounts of wine and bubbly, living it up at Met Bar, where Breeze and I enjoyed a quick spanking from the DJ before moving on to what was quite obviously an orgy in the making. Went to Quaglino's with Chang, the new girl at work, and Guy. The world is a strange one. I'm wondering if my inner turmoil is a female thing, like the misogynists like to say, or whether I really just am quite strange. The idea in my mind at this time if of a heavy mist swirling in darkness [a little like cigarette smoke rings at night in the winter] and myself trying to grab hold of them. Everything seems heavy and disjointed, and that little bit out of reach.

Weeks Tracklistings

Back in The Day - Missy Elliot ft Jay-Z
Fuck All Nite - Jay Z
Juciest Girl - Alecia Keys
Lets Call The Whole Thing Off - Ella Fitzgerald