Quarter Life Crisis

The recent press around how mid-life crises are hitting sooner rather then mid to later was amusing in light of my recent upheavals. When I finally found the ten point plan to beating a mid (or quarter, or whenever) life crisis, I thought I might pay it some consideration. Here is my interpretation of the ten point plan.

1. Remember the alternative

What is the alternative to being me? I could have been reincarnated as a cockroach, Angelina Jolie, Kate Gosselin (imagine it!), Snooki, a shark, Stephen Hawking, or just me.

I think I like me best out of those options. If I could be anyone else in the world, I think I would possibly be the Hubs, but that's only because life is what you make it and I think it's been made a good thing.

2. Don't presume every cough is lung cancer

One of the strange things about Hong Kong is how every desk I walk past has a host of pharmaceuticals on it. Most of the residents of Hong Kong are Vitamin D deprived, and so supplements are a staple here. The pollution is visible and makes everyone antioxidant aware, and so there are often additional supplements or health food products to cover those. Organic fruit is expensive, and so to make sure we get our five-a-day, the office imports fresh fruit from Australia and supplies a portion for every headcount. Having said that, the fear of toxins in Hong Kong is so deep that I often see people washing their peaches in with washing-up liquid. No joke. It's almost like they need to introduce chemicals to the organic produce.

3. Don't have an affair

There is nothing that could form a better disincentive to an affair than living in Hong Kong. Promiscuity is so blatant and abundant here that its not only stripped the mystique out of the whole thing, but has also introduced a whole host of additional risk factors. Like disease. Skanks are everywhere and the usual adage about how if they cheat once they'll probably cheat again needs updating here. Like into "if they cheat once they'll probably cheat again and again and again and probably have before with a disease-ridden whore".

4. Don't worry obsessively about work

Work? What work? Everyone is firing, and everyone is hiring. What's the worse that could happen?

5. If you are thinking of therapy, don't go in for analysis

How would therapy work when you're just feeling a little crappy about life and where it's taken you? Would a therapist be able to turn back time and bring back time that's been misused? I doubt it. The best to hope for would be a means to improve things going forward, which comes back down to you. It'd probably be better to buy a coaching book.

6. Don't transfer your neuroses on to your kids

Safe here!

7. Don't go buying midlife toys

These would be examples
- Aston Martin
- iPhone
- iPod
- BlackBerry
- Bang & Olufsen
- Harley-Davidson
- Nintendo Wii
- Ferrari
- Dom Perignon
- Vivienne Westwood
- Mini
- Chanel
- Ray Ban
- Alexander McQueen
- Jimmy Choo

Alright, so I cheated and removed the things that weren't purchases (iplayer, etc) but that still leaves 75% of the list. Slightly worryingly, I have items from two thirds of that list. Even more worryingly, I nominated brands for 2011 while I was on the link. Mine were Viajante, Riedel, Etsy and Brian Atwood . If any of these make it to the final list it may force me into a midlife crisis.

8. Turn off your BlackBerry

So much more complex than it seems. How do you power off a crackberry? My solution to date has been to hide it somewhere and then leave myself a note in an inconvenient place reminding me where it is.

9. Make time to go out

Is this real? Isn't the problem making time to stay in? I now promise myself not to make plans for four days a week - twice what I did in London. Life genuinely does feel a little bit better. Though my internet usage has gone up about ten times, and I'm paying for stationery more.

10. It will get better

Or you could distract yourself by role-playing through life pretending to be someone else, researching medical symptoms and associated disease, having an affair, working longer and harder, seeing a therapist, having a baby, buying a Nintendo Wii, checking your blackberry and spending your time at home with the Wii, disease-ridden whore (who would ideally also be your therapist and able to discuss symptoms with you in the flat you've bought under a psuedonym) and blackberry.