Fail

Two days ago, we discovered I was pregnant. Which was exciting. We did two tests and it said we were two to three weeks along (though the websites suggest five. Makes sense, the tests work it out from when the magic happened, and everything else goes from the cycle, which just makes it take longer).

Sadly, this was right after we'd gotten back from Singapore, and a particularly heavy weekend. Sadder still, that was after our raucous whistlestop stay in the UK, where I think I was floating in an alcohol haze 80% of the time. The grain of sand sized embryo is probably wasted as I type. Even more sad, it destroys our travel plans for June/July next year. Possibly.

So, what were the clues? In my case, my brain turned to sponge. This may not be meaningful to those who know me, but I became even ditzier. I have literally been unable to properly function. I feel like I have CJD. I also walk into walls and slip on things a lot, though I've always tended to that. I have put on five pounds and a cup size. My boobs are mammoth. I have been nauseous and puking, which I like, and have lost my appetite, also good. I am exhausted all the time, not so good. At this rate, I'm not surprised that it's been so hard for women to get through that glass ceiling (though good news here, folks). If women go through this all the time, I thing we've actually won the war.

The hardest part has been dealing with the knowledge that this could all go suddenly wrong. Every twinge or questionable activity (lifting a case of wine, for example), becomes high risk and rife with paranoia. I'm personally taking the "everything in moderation except maybe smoking and drug-taking" stance. Who knows if it's right, wrong, ridiculous or whatever, but it's still difficult. I said to the Hubs last night that I felt like if anything were to go wrong now, it'd be all on me. His part has pretty much been done. It's strangely isolated. I don't want to talk to people about it, because it's so high risk, but at the same time, I have no idea what's going on. On the advice of some friends who recently popped out some sprogs, I'm subscribing to thebump.com and fitpregnancy.com, which are getting me through (so far).