Maternal Instinct

I have clearly been very remiss about updating this blog lately, for which I can only apologise. Truth be told, life in Hong Kong is a shadow of what life in London was, and so I struggle to find much of interest to share. This is despite being pregnant for the first time, which I'd thought might spice things up (though I hear that might come later). Sadly, it's only now, with 14 or so days till D-day, that I feel authoritative enough about to have a view on. First off though, I should caveat this.

I think I've been remarkably lucky. To fall pregnant ("fall" actually seems appropriate here, since one of the first things I said was "oops"), to have largely escaped the more difficult symptoms such as narcolepsy/exhaustion, spontaneous leakage, chronic incontinence, etc. My symptoms have largely been limited to SPD of a bearable level, massive junk food requirements, five days of exhaustion and, most recently, insomnia. Oh, and pregnancy Swiss cheese brain. Sadly, I also missed out on some of the good stuff. I didn't get really good nails, luxuriant hair, or a glow. I certainly haven't been wandering around in a state of bliss (my colleagues made a sign that said "pregnancy postal" to warn idiots away from my desk). I have a market going for buyers of amniotic fluid or anything else gruesome I might have to offer for use as a Carrie-style substitute for pigs blood).

The things that I have come to realise are:
1. When people say it's the most natural/beautiful thing in the world, they aren't being totally honest. As my belly has stretched over a moving, kicking being, which I can sort of see when I look down, and as my pelvis aches from loosening ligaments, all that tends to come to mind are scenes from the Matrix or Fringe, which really suggests the FX channel rather than NatGeo.

It doesn't feel at all natural to have this belly, though it is relatively amusing. I never really saw myself as the pregnant type, but having to wield this belly (and it is a weapon) means that I can't really get away from it. I'm still not great at playing pregnant, resisting the urge to skive off work or not go out, but I have started to find videos of babies adorable. Well, one video of babies*. I'm still not great with real-life babies, but there has been improvement! More questionable is to use my belly as a weapon in the daily MTR war. These days when people crowd or shove me, I swing around and knock them out of the way with the belly.

2. There is so much more to be afraid of then I realised (sensitive stomachs may want to skip the links). Prior to the education that I've reluctantly received, my key concerns were an inside-out belly button (I escaped this), stretch marks (boo), an eternally damaged love life (tbc), a hairy albino werecub baby (tbc), and babies with fingernails (can't win them all). As things progressed and I started feeling maternal (ie before I discovered the stretch marks), I started worrying about the health of the baby.

Then I went to antenatal classes. Where I learnt about episiotomies no longer being standard (for reasons not worth going into), perineal massage and how an epidural is administered. The term "burger nip" took on a whole new meaning when I was taught that, when breastfeeding, babies should "latch on" as though they were eating a burger. Somehow the reality never lives up to the promise.

* This was a video showing babies instinctively going for the breast after birth. They can't really see, so they kind of wiggle around using their cheeks and chins to work out what's soft (and therefore likely to be the right direction). In some cases, they work out where the nipple is and kind of dive towards it. All very amusing, albeit in a stupid kind of way.