Sitting at work, bored.

Sometimes I think that there isn't a single person in the world who isn't
inherently insecure. Spent last night at Breeze's house again and discussed
this. The topic came up because we have a slightly larger female friend who
hasn't had things particularly easy in life. I felt generally sorry for her
in that she's a sad figure now, letting men use her and batter her pride.
Breeze on the other hand felt annoyed with her for her idiocity, believing
(as I do) that people can only mistreat you as far as you let them. The
thing that struck me was that, despite strong rumours to the contrary, even
Breeze and I are deeply insecure. In my case, I get lonely, and when I'm
alone I'm self-destructive. My solution is, of course, to keep myself as
busy as I can and with as many people as possible. In her case, she's
fiercely independent, but struggles to balance her independence with the
same need to never be alone. We both skate on thin ice as regards our
self-perception. Always the danger in knowing your flaws.

The problem with Alex [the slightly larger friend] is that she wants to be
happy with who she is, but struggles with it. She has good friends, a good
life, but her self-image is terrible. We all went out the other night for a
drink at Bertorelli's on Charlotte Street with Guy. Breeze and I were all
over him since we hadn't brought any cash out, and he'd just been paid.
Nothing special, we do it all the time [it's that irresistible
Asian/Scandinavian combo]. But Alex was just staring at us goggle-eyed.
She'd obviously never been around two skint girls and a Guy who'd just been
paid. Furthermore, I don't think she realised how easy it would be for two
skint girls to have a good night out with a Guy who'd just been paid. She
went home and told us we were her heroines. The truth is though, it's
nothing. Guy doesn't buy us drinks because he wants us, but because we make
him feel good. We make him think he's the man, and he's happy to fork out
for the privilege. We are happy to drink champagne and cocktails.

The point is, it's not about how you look, how you talk, walk or dress.
It's about the way people feel when they're around you. I just wish I could
tell Alex this opinion of mine without upsetting her